Thick Noggin'
We assembled our crack team and conducted a “vertical tasting” of all the eggnog we could get our hands on. Here are our rants and raves.
Lucerne light ($2.79/quart)
Our tasters dismissed this nog as “watery” and “heavy on the nutmeg.” But the biggest complaint was the artificial flavors, which our panel described as banana-like.
Clover light ($2.79/quart)
One taster opined, “This takes like cake batter ice cream.” Others thought it tasted “more legit” than Lucerne light, but still complained about its cloying sweetness and impressive viscosity.
Horizon lowfat ($4.39/quart)
The panel praised the old-fashioned flavor and lack of artificiality, but some complained that “this just tastes like milk with sugar.”
Clover ($2.79/quart)
Despite the cheery cows on the carton, our tasters didn’t really like this. Comments ranged from “regular” to “I don’t like this.”
Clover Organic ($3.49/quart)
What a difference organic makes! Our tasters overwhelmingly preferred this to the regular, citing its rich whole milk and fresh nutmeg flavors. The only complaint? A touch on the sweet side.
*FIRST PLACE!
Straus ($6.49 plus $1.50 bottle deposit/quart)
One taster came clean: “This is my favorite. But I wonder if that has to do with the packaging?” The old-fashioned glass bottle certainly does have fridge appeal, but we also appreciated the high drinkability factor. Said one taster, “This is the only one I could drink a glass of.” We also liked the ingredient list, where unpronounceable ingredients were noticeably absent.
Lucerne Holiday ($1.79/quart, on sale)
Our panel called this nog “classically flavored” but objected to the texture, which was thick to the point of gloppy. One taster summed it up in a word: yuck.
*RUNNER UP
Organic Valley ($4.49/quart)
Though this had a slightly chalky finish, our panel ranked this second after Straus. “The flavor is nice, and it’s not overly spiced.” “I like this.” “Not super noggy, but not gross.”
Silk Soynog ($3.29/quart)
Tasters were put off by the greenish-yellow hue, but then further turned off by the beany soy flavor. Said one, “If this is as close as you can get to eggnog, go without.”
There was only one dissenter, who liked it, saying “I don’t drink anything but skim milk, but that was tasty.”
Lucerne Pumpkin Spice Eggnog ($1.79/quart, on sale)
Many on our panel tried to duck out before trying this, only to be pleasantly surprised. “This isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It kind of tastes like pumpkin pie mixed with sweetened condensed milk.”
*DEAD LAST
Lucerne Dulce de Leche Eggnog ($1.79/quart, on sale)
By now, the tasters were giving me evil looks. If further evidence were needed that the South American caramel known as dulce de leche has become mainstream, this is it. Everyone roundly hated this, ranking it dead last. Why? “This tastes like something that you should pour over ice cream.” “Sickeningly sweet.” It’s also the only nog that elicited the making of faces among our tasting panel.
But in all honesty, if you really want to do the NOG right, you've gotta make it yourself. Our gift to you: Best Egg Nog Recipe Ever.
Want some cookies with that? Of course you do. Check out our 20 Best Holiday Cookies gallery
