When I was a kid, my mom (a one-time Las Vegas showgirl and bunny at the Chicago Playboy Club) used to reprimand my grubby nails, “You’ll grow potatoes under there!” Her scolding used to bug the crap out of me, but as I started to be interested in girls, at about 12-years old, I quickly realized the benefits of better than good hygiene. Not all of my multiple daily showers were just for…

I am a man who gets regular manicures and pedicures, I call it a "Menicure." I pamper my hands every 8-10 days, time permitting. My toes are attended to every 2-3 weeks without fail. I’ve been doing this on occasion since I got out of the Navy thirty years ago and regularly for the past twenty-three years.

I love getting my “nails done.” It feels great, it looks great, and it’s fun to shoot the shit with the girls down at Lombard Heights Nail Salon, where I have been a regular customer since I started here at 7x7 eight years ago.

Gentlemen - look at your bare toes. There’s a good chance that they’re pretty grisly. I spend a considerable amount of time at the beaches in Mexico and in other parts of the world, and I can safely say that most guys I see simply cut their toenails and let the rest of their freak feet fly.

There’s a guy at my gym who oozes cool and dresses sharply, yet his toenails look like hard, rotten bananas. Two-dollar toes in $300 shoes. Nasty!

Mani-pedis, as they are called, are the only “metrosexual” thing that I do, save for keeping my skin moisturized with a cheap body lotion. But it’s worth more than all of the grooming products I don’t use just to know that my digits look and feel digitally enhanced.

Trust me, no girl wants to feel your scraggly-ass fingernails and toenails rubbing against her smooth, beautiful legs (nor does she want to see them). I know it’s not just a bit of grooming that affords me the success I have as a bachelor, but I know that if I had grub-stubs I probably wouldn’t get anywhere near as far as I do.

If you do decide to take my advice, be as good a tipper as you are at your favored watering hole. I tip 50% because it doesn’t cost that much, I like the girls, and they do a great job.

Guys can partake in "Menicures" at various nail salons throughout the city, here are a few favorites:

Lombard Heights Nail Salon - 3288 Steiner @ Lombard, (415) 776-9688

Silky Touch - 316 Fillmore St @ Haight, 2nd location just opened on Haight @ Steiner. Open until 8 p.m. daily, (415) 255-8527

Zaza Nail Spa - 543 2nd St @ Brannan, (415) 495-6292