We at 7x7 consider ourselves slaves to fads of all sorts. The cragel? Check. Birkenstocks? (Um, yes, but don’t tell our perpetually high-heeled editor in chief.) The juice cleanse? We’re glad you asked! There are a bevy of companies in San Francisco offering up liquid nourishment in the name of clearer skin and cleaner bowels and and overall euphoric feeling (no matter how short-lived). Our editors were willing guinea pigs for eight local cleanses. Did we survive?
Tester: Sarah Lee, assistant marketing editor
Name of cleanse: Stuck in the Middle (Intermediate)
Taste: 4/5
Ease: 3/5
Customer service: 5/5
Comments: "I’ve always been both skeptical and intrigued by the juice cleanse trend, and I was excited to see if three days of juicing would truly give me a supermodel body and spiritual nirvana. Although I struggled with the amount of fructose in the juices (I’m more of a savory gal), every one tasted delicious, and I felt like a virtuous badass during the second day of the cleanse."
Confessional: "At the end of the first day, I felt light-headed and was so out of it that it took me four attempts to correctly spell “portraiture.” I gave in and ate a healthy snack, which brought me back to reality. I powered through day two and part of day three, but at 1 pm on the last day, I scarfed down a microwave burrito like a wild animal in front of my disapproving coworkers. I was bummed that I didn’t finish the whole program, but the cleanse definitely taught me to listen to my body, and it was screaming for a burrito."
Tester: Franchesca Allen, marketing director
Name of cleanse: Juicey Lucy's Lifestyle Cleanse
Taste: 4/5
Ease: 4/5
Customer service: 5/5
Comments: "Juicey Lucy released my inner hippie goddess, for real. This self-proclaimed 'lifestyle cleanse' had a truly holistic approach. Each morning a woven basket was hand delivered and filled to the brim with juices, bites, and very Haight Street related items: a Palo Santo stick (to rid bad energy in my home), a stone that needed to be carried with me (to unleash my inner beauty), not to mention bath salts and a candle. In addition, I drank plenty of fresh pressed juices and delicious homemade soups and salads, but the best part was the sweet hippie vibes. My aura is so much brighter. Can you see me through your computer screen?"
Confessional: "I know my cleanse came with food, but I ate six oysters on the second day."
Tester: Jessica Do, art director
Name of cleanse: Shauna’s Summer Cleanse
Taste: 3.5/5
Ease: 4/5
Customer service: 3/5
Comments: "The attractive part of this cleanse is that it acknowledges that these juices aren't meant to replace your diet, but rather compliment it. In addition to 3 juices per 4 consecutive days, it encourages consuming raw vegetables and fruits—even salads for dinner—making this detox more feasible."
Confessional: "It seemed as though every food obstacle got thrown in my face. Never have I had such intimate dreams of breakfast burritos. It's a rarity that I take pride in my stubbornness, but in the end, even Golden Boy's focaccia pizza wasn't able to win me over."
Tester: David Lytle, executive editor
Name of cleanse: Three Day, Level 1
Taste: 4.7/5
Ease: 3/5
Customer service: 5/5. "Community relations rep Elizabeth Hibbard was prompt with emails checking in on my progress and reminding me to drinks lots of water."
Comments: "This was my first juice cleanse, so I have no other to compare it to. The flavors were great (hello, grapefruit + fennel + apple!), but at less than 1,000 calories a day—and with the only solids being a tiny packet of chia seeds—I cannot imagine doing this again. I will gladly drink their juices as part of a daily diet that includes whole foods, but I simply cannot rely on just juice to take me through one day, let alone three."
Confessional: "At 1 am on Day 3, awake and hungry, I wolfed down a single chicken leg after staring at it in the fridge for a couple minutes. My hunger could not be denied."
Tester: Alice Zhang, editorial assistant
Name of cleanse:
The Power Cleanse
Taste: 4/5
Ease: 5/5
Customer service: 5/5
Comments: "Can Can had a delicious-sounding seasonal menu (mmm, Chia Fruit Juice), and I figured this summer was prime time to detox and dwell in my aspirational yuppie dreams (because who the hell pays $9 for juice except yuppies?). I kept waiting for the mental trauma, the cranky outburst (“I’m on a JUICE CLEANSE! Leave me alone!”), but Can Can was a piece of cake. The green juice tasted gross, as expected, but I never got hungry, save for some nocturnal moments of weakness, since I was still consuming more than 1200 calories a day. But no pain no gain: I also never felt that Tinkerbell lightness people always talk about."
Confessional: "Humblebrag: I survived a free lunch from Chipotle and oysters and Old Fashioneds, all of which were catered at the office. I know, I’m practically invincible."
Tester: Sarah Medina, assistant editor
Name of cleanse: Living Well Cleanse
Taste: 3/5
Ease: 2/5
Customer service: 5/5
Comments: "While I’ve always wanted to do a cleanse, and I’ve dabbled with juices in the past (Nutribullet for the win!) I was not prepared for three days of pure hunger. To be fair, Living Greens is very unique in that it delivers your day’s juices every morning (and will pick up the previous day’s bottles), so you’re guaranteed to get your nutrients fresh and without any preservatives. The big problem: there were only 3 to 4 real juices in the 10 I was supposed to drink every day. The other 6 were broth, aloe, coconut water, and tea. This cleanse is not meant for beginners or dabblers."
Confessional: "On the third morning, I scarfed down an entire bagel with cream cheese and a nonfat chai latte in a record-breaking two minutes."
Tester: Brock Keeling, culture editor
Name of cleanse: Beginner Cleanse
Taste: 5/5
Ease: 4/5
Customer service: 5/5
Comments: "I've always been a fan of The Juice Shop, but what drew me to them for my very first cleanse was their straightforward approach. No wellness spa-like gobbledygook. No flowery holistic language. I chose a three-day cleanse, which consisted of six bottles of juice and two vials of aloe and blue-green algae per day. This was far easier than I had imagined (feared?) and the juices were uniformly delicious. My favorite was the Almond Drink. Not only did it curb my hunger, but, during weaker moments of carb craving, I imagined poring it over a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch."
Confessional: "I snapped on Day Three with a midnight plate of quinoa and mushrooms. Lest you think I'm always a pillar of health, I inhaled a box of glazed donuts the morning of my juice cleanse release."
