Have you had those experiences—in your adulthood—when you’ve felt like you were having high school sex all over again?

Guy gropes breasts for two minutes, sticks his hand down pants for three-and-a-half, and next thing you know, you’re doing it (clothes on floor, panties at your ankles, etc.)

Seems we all get stuck in these sex ruts—like we studied what to do with the breasts, penis, vagina and mouth, and we stopped learning and adding to our repertoire after we graduated from sex ed.

Ben, 42, living in Oakland, told me this: “I was with this woman a year ago, and she went down on me. I didn’t see her for six months. We hooked up again, and it was exactly the same thing. Same hand movements, mouth, the works.”

“It was so strange,” Ben continued. “I thought, ‘Is this all she knows? Her only tricks? Did it matter that it was my penis or could it have been any guy—any Tom, Dick or Harry?” (Pun not intended, but it gave us a good laugh.)

Certain routines are perfectly acceptable to perform in the exact same way, every time: brushing your teeth, putting socks on before shoes, push-ups before sit-ups.

But with sex, it’s good practice to shake things up.

Women tell me the biggest mistake men make with oral sex is that they do exactly the same thing that turned on their ex.

The female organs are a complicated thing. Yes, some of us have that magic button that makes it easy for us to climax, but for others, a guy (or gal) may have to fall through a bunch of trap doors to find it. This takes work, communication, and asking or telling your partner point blank what you need.

I recommend trying something different each time: In other words, add a hand, lose a finger, tighten your grip, and so on.

It’s my guess that you’ve probably ditched the bad high school hair by now. It’s time to update the outdated moves as well.

It’s like my friend Anthony told me last night: “If you do find the woman’s spot, it’s kinda like you've figured out how to make a pinball machine work without quarters. Once you find the lever, you can keep playing all night long.”

xxx
e

Listen to Sex with Emily at sexwithemily.com.