Comedy: Mortified 5-Year Anniversary
Okay, nothing new here, but if you haven't seen Mortified yet or if it's been awhile, get your tickets to the 5-year anniversary show now. No excuses. Expect the craziest and best pieces from 2010, plus giveaways, contests, and the hard rock of house band Live Evil. It will be a night of the most embarrassing and cringe-worthy readings from teen journals, unanswered love letters and angst-written artifacts. You want to be there. $12-$15; Friday, 12/3 - Saturday, 12/4; Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd St., 415-647-2888, getmortified.com

Comedy: Margaret Cho
Fresh off a stint on Dancing with The Stars, funny girl Margaret Cho is wowing audiences with her Cho Dependent tour. Stand-up meets singing onstage—cross your fingers for a live rendition of "My Puss," which may just be the most hilarious music video spoof ever made. If you're lucky, maybe she'll even bust a few moves. $42-$62; Saturday 12/4; Nob Hill Masonic Center, 1111 California St., livenation.com

Gift Giving: Noise Pop Holiday Shop
Be the friend who gives the fun gifts. This year's Noise Pop Holiday Shop takes the chore out of shopping with a party featuring over 35 Bay Area designers and artists selling their latest creations—from clothing and jewelry to posters and paraphernalia, all at affordable prices. GoGo Craft is offering a hipster holiday workshop where you can make hand-sewn projects, UK retailer Superdry will raffle off their high quality threads (bring a pantry-friendly food item and get a free raffle ticket), and there will be plenty of live music, DJs, dancing, drinks, and grub. Free; Saturday 12/4; The Verdi Club, 2424 Mariposa St., noisepop.com

Performance: Leonard Cohen
The legendary poet, singer/songwriter, musician and novelist is finishing up a live tour he started two years ago and he's touching down in the Bay Area for the last time before he hits the studio again. It's your last chance to see the modern day Frank Sinatra for a good, long while, so make it a point to get tickets for this one, no matter the price. $45-$250; Sunday 12/5 - Monday 12/6; Paramount Theatre, 2025 Broadway, Oakland, 800-745-3000, paramounttheatre.com

Discussion: Ira Glass and Salman Rushdie
Get smart. This week's City Arts & Lectures discussions features two heavy hitters: Salman Rushdie and Ira Glass. One of modern lit's most well known voices, Rushdie will likely touch on his forthcoming novel Luka and the Fire of Life about an alternate universe informed by the surreal logic of video games. Then on Sunday, Ira Glass, host and producer of the radio show heard by 1.8 million listeners a week, will give us the scoop behind his award winning This American Life. $20; Thursday 12/2 and Sunday 12/5, respectively; Herbst Theatre, 401 Van Ness Ave., 415-392-4400, cityarts.net