by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way, 

I am an Asian-American woman who has encountered a lot of guys who have “orifechi” (from Oriental fetish). What gives? When I confront them with it, they get very pissed off and say it’s just an “aesthetic preference.” I call it bullshit. What do you say, and why does this exist?—NP

    The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
 
Why are you trying to classify someone’s attraction to you as a fetish? The only time we should really be concerned about fetishes is if the fetishes of a mate cause us to do things we aren’t comfortable with or interested in doing (i.e., whips, gag balls, peanut butter ... don’t ask.) In your case, the “fetish” requirements upon you are that you be of your own race. Does this make you uncomfortable?

We’re attracted to people for many, many reasons—some complex, some simple—and we all have our preferences. While it’s not necessarily a hard and fast rule, most of us have a “type.” For some it’s specific: tall, blonde, curvy, athletic, wants kids, into career, but not obsessed. For others the requirements may be more open: anyone who says yes. Either way, you have preferences and types, too.

So I side with your male suitors on this one—their attraction to you is a preference. You’re Asian and the men who are attracted to you probably are attracted to Asian women. And be happy that people are attracted to you. There are worse problems to have.

Now, if they’re attracted to ALL Asian women without much discrimination then there’s a problem. But the problem isn’t that they fixate on Asian women, it’s that they aren’t making you feel special as an individual. That’s not acceptable. If that’s the case, you say goodbye ... and perhaps in an Asian language to drive the point home to these orifechi-ists. Here are a few options: Japanese, sayonara; Chinese, zài jiàn; Korean, ahn nyung hee
ke se yo.

Get rid of your own Asian fixation and you’ll be better able to see if your suitors have one.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.