By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now. Things have been great between us up to this point, but lately he’s stopped climaxing when we have sex. That was never a problem in the past. He’s no quick trigger, but he hasn’t had a problem getting off before. Should I be offended? Eventually he apologizes and just stops going at it. This has been going on for a few weeks and it makes me wonder if he’s taking care of himself too much, has a medical condition, is sleeping with someone else, or just generally isn’t interested. Any words of wisdom? This is new ground for me.—SD, San Francisco, California

   The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy

Unless this guy has a strange blue ball fetish—and I’m sure that’s the official medical term—I can’t imagine he’s happy with not finishing what you two started.

Is he as concerned about this as you are? What’s his self-diagnosis? This may not be his favorite thing in the world to talk about, but please tell me you’ve asked him about this in a relatively casual way. Something like, “Hey, so what’s going on, baby? No fireworks? Everything okay?”

A few weeks of not crossing the finish line is a bit strange and must be getting frustrating. I wouldn’t classify this as an epidemic yet, though. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill as they say. (Okay, I don’t know if “they” actually say that, but it sounds like something “they” would say.)

Anyway, it wouldn’t hurt—any more than having blue balls would—if he made an appointment with a doctor just to make sure there’s nothing wrong with his personal plumbing. This would be my guess as someone with no medical training whatsoever.

I’m sure it makes you feel less attractive—and that sucks—but I wouldn’t assume he’s seeing someone else or enjoying his alone time so much that he can’t enjoy being with you.

He is still aroused and performing to the point where he’s hitting the roadblock, so you must be putting some gas in his tank. (I don’t know if “they” say that, but “they” can use that if “they” want to.)

Good luck and here’s to a happy ending … for both of you.

Check in tomorrow to read the gay woman’s perspective by Jody Fischer.

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