Are you having sex in San Francisco? Tell me about it.

It’s well documented (at least on my show) that your single brothers and sisters in New York, Los Angeles and every other major American city (where lots of single people abound) think that THEY live in the worst dating town ever.

But casual sex, my friends, is definitely on the rise.

To clarify: casual sex, hooking up, etc., refers to “sexual activity outside the context of a romantic relationship, consisting of a range of informal sexual encounters.” This according to Wikipedia’s explanation.


photo by Patrick Heneise

I get phone calls, emails, even detailed voicemails (which you’ll soon be able to hear on my site) all the time about these types of encounters.

In fact, while I was out of the country for the past two weeks, I received these messages:

•    Maya (34, living in Mill Valley) called to tell me that the guy she’s dating is not only seeing another a person (which she’d suspected and feared), but he’s actually having sex with a couple. To be more specific, he’s having sex with both the guy and the gal. Oh, and they’re a married couple. She wants to know if this is a trend. And, by the way, her boyfriend’s a banker.

•    Stacy (28, living in Pacific Heights) has been into this guy for months. The first night, they go out and end up having a threesome. She was concerned that this might send him a bad message about her. But he called, she answered, and it’s now blossomed into a two-week-long, twosome relationship that appears to be going strong.

•    Jay (32, living in Noe Valley) was happy to meet a cute single girl at a hot-tub party in San Francisco. They went back to his house and, while toweling each other off and getting it on, her phone rang. She jumped up immediately and ran to his bathroom to take the call. Jay was worried, thinking it must be an emergency, but heard this through the bathroom wall 26 minutes later: “Oh my god, I’m with a guy who REALLY treats me so good!” Finally, she came out and crawled back into bed without saying a word about it. But hey, she was cute, so whatever.

•    Sheri (37, living in Berkeley) likes younger guys; her new guy Rick is 29. He invited her over to his house in the Haight. It was their first date and he asked if she’d mind if he wore the special panties he’d ordered from Victoria’s Secret. She didn’t mind at all.

So now we’ve got it all out in the open, I just have to say that I know you may not be dating, but you are getting some.

Tell me what’s up with you. Okay? Email me at feedback@sexwithemily.com or feel free to add your comments here. (Don't worry. You'll be anonymous either way!)